Expert Q&A

	By Keath Castelloe Low child and adolescent psychologist

What discipline measures can I take to correct a 12-year-old child's bullying behavior towards his younger siblings? It is mostly verbal name calling and intimidations, as in bowing up and acting as if he was going to hit them but not hitting them in reality.

Children bully and intimidate younger or weaker targets when they are feeling insecure or inadequate themselves. They project their anger and frustration onto others in an attempt to feel tougher, stronger and more powerful.

It is important for you to talk to your son and make it clear that his behavior is unacceptable. Identify the specific behaviors you want him to eliminate:

1. Name calling
2. Intimidations (including acting as if he is going to hit his siblings)

   Sit down with him and together decide consequences for these behaviors. Including him in this discussion helps to empower him and gets him to accept responsibility for changing his behavior. It also helps him become more invested in the process of making a change in his interactions with his siblings.

   Consistently enforce consequences. Be matter of fact, but firm. Do not allow him to engage you in power struggles or arguments. Simply remind him of the consequences. Consequences may be loss of privileges, time out, etc.

   Be sure to also catch your son being good. Praise and positive reinforcement helps develop increased feelings of self-worth. Often times we get so caught up in the negative behaviors that we forget to point out the positive behaviors. Reward his improvements with a special outing with family or special one on one time with you or his father.

   Try to get more information about the underlying cause of his bullying. Is something making him feel especially insecure at school or at home? Talk with him. Talk with his teachers. Try to observe his interactions with peers. If you can get to the root of his bullying behaviors, it will be easier to help him process these feelings and move on to more positive interactions. You may also want to give your younger children strategies for dealing with their older brother's behavior. Teach them to assertively respond to intimidations by using their words and letting a grown up know what is happening.

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