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Expert Q&A

	By Keath Castelloe Low child and adolescent psychologist

Please help me. I am so worried about my son. He's 10 and he is hanging out with a group of kids that are not favorable in my opinion. They are odd. They dress very strange (mismatched clothes, too small clothes, dirty clothes, etc.) and they play goofy things like make-believe space games when they are together. I think my son is too old for this. I want him to go back to hanging out with his other friends who mostly play sports. He has always had lots of friends, and for a couple of years, he has hung out with kids from both groups. I am finding now that he has a preference for these strange kids. Now these are good kids – I think. I am involved in the school, and I don't hear any rumblings about them, other than that they are odd. I think one may actually have a developmental disorder of some kind. I know I sound terrible, but I want my son to be liked and included in all things. I want him to say hello to these kids, and play with them from time-to-time, but I also want him to be with the other kids that he use to play with, too – maybe even more often. I am so afraid that he will become more and more involved with this group, and he will end up being made fun of by the others and not fitting in when he gets to the higher grades. I am so confused!

You don't sound terrible at all. Being a parent is tough! You are a concerned mother who simply wants the best for her son. Peer groups are very important at this age. They give children a sense of identity and connection. They are influential in a child's decision making and self-esteem. Luckily, this group of friends is basically a good group – a little bit different, but overall good kids.

Your main concern is that your child may be viewed as odd by others if he continues to hang out with this group. You want him to fit in and fear he may be made fun of as he gets older. At this age your son will begin to exert some independence, including making his own decisions about friendships. This is healthy and normal, but it can be a difficult time for parents as they begin to loosen the reins a little to allow their child more control.

Get to know these friends by inviting them over to play at your house. You may feel better as you get to know their parents, as well. Ask your son if he'd like to have some of his old friends over. This may encourage him to expand his circle of friends to include the old, as well as the new.

Keep connected to your son's teacher to get a feel for his social interactions at school. As long as these boys are following your rules, working hard in school and getting along with others they are on the right track.

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