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Expert Q&A
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| By Susan Bartell Licensed Psychologist | ||
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My 12-year-old daughter recently came to me in tears. A boy that she likes has started making comments about her weight. (She is overweight but not by more than 10 pounds.) I told her he is probably just being nasty because he knows she likes him, and I promised her that I would help her eat healthier and that we could walk together every night, but I don't want to fail her. What all should I be doing here in order to fix this situation? Get the school involved?
There are two separate issues – the first is about her weight , and the second about her being teased and possibly bullied. If you and your daughter want to use this as a catalyst to help her become motivated to lose a few pounds, then that's great. But make sure she does it slowly and healthily. Being teased can lead a girl to want rapid weight loss which has the potential to lead to an eating disorder. So you must support her (which it certainly sounds like you are!) by providing sound eating and exercise advice. Next, regardless of the reason, it is not OK for this boy to be making mean comments about her weight, and if he doesn't stop either she – if she has the confidence – or you should certainly speak to a school administrator. Ongoing negative comments will undoubtedly wear on her self-esteem and body image, and there is no reason she should be subjected to this at school or anywhere else. Research shows that girls who hear negative messages about their bodies in childhood can be affected by them into adulthood. So, by all means be proactive in your approach, but if your daughter is able to handle it herself, let her try first, as this will be even more empowering for her.
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