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Expert Q&A
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| By Susan Bartell Licensed Psychologist | ||
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My 11-year-old daughter thinks I am too old and out of touch to understand what she's going through. She won't take my advice about hygiene, beauty or clothing choices. What can I do?
Advice taking is not one of the things that preteens do best! And to tell you the truth, it may not get better for a few more years, so brace yourself. In fact, in some ways you are out of touch, and that is how it is supposed to be. Her job in the preteen and early teen years is to begin forming strong bonds (through the personal choices she makes) with her peers, rather than holding onto you as her main source of advice for all that is correct when it comes to fashion and beauty. In other words it is normal for her not to want to take your advice. It is also understandable that you would like her to continue taking it for as long as possible. For this reason, you need to carefully choose the requests that you make of her.
Hygiene is important, so save your big requests for making sure that she is brushing her teeth and hair and taking a shower. But unless she is dressing inappropriately, you may not expect that she will take your fashion and beauty advice – in fact she may pointedly reject it! The more you push, the more she will reject. If you back off, choosing your battles carefully, she's more likely to come to a midpoint that you can live with sooner rather than later.
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