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Expert Q&A
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| By Kate Cohen-Posey Therapist | ||
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My 11-year-old son has been hanging around some kids who have just been arrested for some brutal beatings. How do I talk to him about choosing better friends?
First find out what he thinks about what his friends did. Ask if he knows the consequences or what will happen to them. If he doesn't have a clue, talk about how some kids spend time in jail or prison for such actions and that even some really good kids have become caught up in the moment and had their future plans destroyed.
If he is disturbed by what his friends did, let him know you really trust his ability to make decisions even if they are hard.
If he defends his friends' behavior, explore his reasoning without being too critical (and shutting him off). Find out where he would draw the line on brutal behavior such as using guns, knives, or dragging someone behind a car.
It is more important that you have an open dialogue than that your son thinks the "right" way. If you are doing most of the talking, your son will tune you out. Rather than trying to convince him of your beliefs, let him know your feelings: "The way you talk scares me... I love you very much and would never want to lose you because of some unplanned mistake."
If the way he thinks is very disturbing, do not hesitate to consult with a therapist.
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