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Expert Q&A

	By Kate Cohen-Posey Therapist

An 8th grade boy at my 12-year-old son's school accused him of sexual harassment and battery. Now the probation authority has been contacted. My son, a 7th grader, said he did give this kid a hard time and did put his arm around the kid to hassle him. Both the security at my son's school and I think my son may have been trying to impress his new friends by being a bully. My son has never been a bully but has had a hard time trying to "belong." My son said he didn't do or say anything regarding sex or body parts as he has been accused of. How on earth do I handle this? I believe my son and I have an open relationship but I think he is beginning to pull away. He is a good boy. He is in 4-H dairy, and I was his den leader for Cub Scouts for four years. Prior to that, he was a "tiger cub." Last year, he crossed over to Boy Scouts which he really enjoys being a part of. Please advise."

I'm not sure home much of this is in your hands to handle. The authorities will ultimately make a decision about what your son did and what the consequence will be. Regardless of whether or not it is fair, he can learn from it.

In the mean time, your son can write a note to the other boy saying he is sorry for the things he admits to doing and put into words how what he did was difficult for the other boy. Rather than denying (and arguing about) sexual harassment, he can say he is sorry if the other boy saw anything sexual in it and that he would like to learn about anything he did that might have been seen that way. Ideally, such note writing should be done under the auspices of the school.

It sounds like you have your son involved in good group activities that should be teaching him social skills. You might ask his troop leader how he gets along with other kids. Perhaps he can earn a merit badge that is related to getting along with other people, harassment, school violence, etc. I don't mean to give a sales pitch, but How to Handle Bullies, Teasers and Other Meanies is a good book for learning social skills both for targets and for those who get accused.

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