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Expert Q&A
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| By Chris Crutcher Author, Licensed Child and Family Therapist | ||
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My grandnephew, 12 1/2, saw a very scary movie about a week ago, and he can't forget it, and now he seems to have a fear to see darkness come. It makes him very depressed. He doesn't want to go to his friend's house because all his friend wants to do is watch very scary movies. He told his friend that he didn't like watching scary movies, and his friend called him a baby. How can he overcome this fear and get through the teasing?
Good question. This is so normal for 12 1/2 that it isn't funny. It's particularly not funny because most 12 1/2-year-olds don't know how normal it is.
Here's the trick. Let him sleep wherever he wants, even if it means with a parent or put a mattress in the parent/grandparent's room. At any rate, leave the option open. Tell him he doesn't have to tell his friends why he doesn't want to come over if he's embarrassed about being afraid.
The true antidote to this is time. It is a developmental time of "scariness," because it is the time when kids begin to realize they are mortal and that their grandparents and parents are also mortal. During that time, for some kids, EVERYthing seems scary. Lots of support. Don't mention it, because it is just embarrassing, and let him do whatever he has to do to feel safe. Normally it doesn't last all that long, and the less pressure going through it, the shorter time it takes to get through. The "don't be a baby" approach is a bad one."
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