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Expert Q&A
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| By Susan Bartell Licensed Psychologist | ||
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Is it better to stay in an unhappy marriage when the children and very attached to both parents? My 10- and 12-year-old boys adore their father. He really is a good man. He is a friend, but I don't feel anything more than that for him. I am contemplating a divorce, but I really could stay put for the kids' sake. There is no anger in the house. We don't fight. We just do separate things – even sleep in separate beds. The boys have never questioned any of this. Should I stay until they are in college?
This is one of the most frequent questions I get. There are two ways to answer it: one focuses on what is best for the adults and the other looks at what is best for the children. In your case, it sounds like you and your husband would each be happier apart. However, given the description of your marriage and home environment – one that peaceful, not hostile or angry – it is likely in the best interest of your children if you stay together. When parents argue, fight and are bitter towards each other, it is best for the children to end the marriage – divorce and peace is better than a hostile nuclear family. But in your case, the breakup of the family would likely be traumatic, whereas for them, their family life is happy and peaceful. It would be a sacrifice on your part, and you'd have to determine whether it would cause you to become depressed or resentful, which could affect the way you parent your kids or act in the family. But if you truly think you can stay in the marriage and your boys seem happy and well-adjusted, it may be worth it.
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