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Expert Q&A
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| By Keath Castelloe Low child and adolescent psychologist | ||
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My 12-year-old daughter told me she has been seeing a girl behind my back. She also said she is gay. What should I do?
Let her know you love her and that you are glad she is able to discuss such a sensitive and personal issue with you. Offer her expressions of acceptance and support. Try not to judge her. It is OK to let her know you are surprised or uncertain about your own feelings related to her news, but make sure you get the point across to her that you love her no matter what and that you will both get through this time helping each other to understand and move forward.
It is important for you to be approachable about this issue. She says that she was seeing a girl behind your back, so she feels some discomfort about sharing this with you. Now that she has shared, it is important to remain open-minded. Let her know you want her to feel free to discuss any issues with you, no matter how difficult.
At age 12, your daughter is just beginning to explore her sexuality. Identity formation, including sexual identity, is a major task during the adolescent years. Your daughter is entering adolescence, a time of considerable physiological and emotional changes. It is not unusual for preteens and teens to experiment with both sexes during this period. Sexual feelings can be very confusing. Some children are certain of their sexual orientation by this time, others are still exploring.
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