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Expert Q&A

	By Jennifer Brout-Lynn psychologist

My 12-year-old son is having problems sleeping at night. I lay down with him to get him to sleep. He is fine until I go to leave the room, and then he wants to come and sleep with me. He is afraid to sleep alone. He never was one to wake up like this in the night. How can I solve this problem. I've tried making him stay in his room, and then he cries and says he can't sleep alone. What should I do?

The first step is to find out why your son cannot sleep alone. Is this something new or has he always been like this? Has something happened in his life that might have caused this behavior? If so, what has happened? What is he afraid will happen when he sleeps alone? What kinds of thoughts is he having when you leave the room? There is a broad developmental range regarding the maturity level of 12-year-old boys. Some are less mature, in which case he could simply be afraid of something he saw on television. Try to get him to open up to you and discuss his feelings. See if you can get him to tell you what his fear is about. If you feel that you are making some progress in terms of him opening up to you, slowly but steadily persist until you get to the bottom of this. Be aware also that he may not know precisely what is bothering him and you may need to do some hypothesizing with him. Let him know that conquering his bedtime fear is a process that the two of you can work on together.On course if this persists it might mean that he has some issues that need to be assessed by a psychologist. Either way, the most important thing you can do is to let him know that you will be there to help him resolve this problem and that you know he is strong enough to do that!

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