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Expert Q&A

	By Jenny Lewis, M.D. Pediatrician

My daughter is acting scared of growing up. Is that bad? She doesn't tell me anything anymore.

For some young girls, growing up is something that canŴ happen soon enough. For others, it is something they do not want to deal with. The images of young women that preteens see in the media --TV, magazines, movies, advertisements -- come with overtones of a sophistication and sexuality that is seductive, but also scary. Combine these images with the inevitable increase in accountability we ask of our growing children, and the increasingly responsible role we ask them to play in the family and no wonder many preteens, like yours, act scared of growing up.

Preteens are not ready to take on the burdens of the adult world and yet somehow think they shouldnŴ need their parents to look out for them, or even look after them! They start wanting more privacy, start closing themselves in their rooms, start answering questions about school or friends with the minimum of words and start rolling their eyes if parents offer advice or criticism. These behaviors often make parents decrease the amount of effort they make to stay connected to their childrenų lives, but as children enter this new and scary phase of their growing up they actually need their parents love, concern and respect more than ever.

Even if your child is reluctant to share her feelings or her everyday life with you at this time, it is important to let her know that, although you understand and will respect her wanting her own emotional space, you will always be there if she should want someone to listen to her and help her sort out the new feelings and experiences that growing up brings. If she continues to have behaviors that worry you, talk to her teachers to see if they, too, have concerns and offer her the opportunity to talk about her worries with a counselor, her pediatrician or another family member.

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