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Expert Q&A

	By Elbert Q. Blakely, Ph.D., C.B.A. Psychologist

I am temporarily staying with my parents at their home. My brother and his 9- year-old son live with them too. My nephew does not like to talk in front of the family. He may do a one on one with his father, or his grandmother (who takes care of him when his father is not around), or with other children and the maids. However, when it comes to me and other adults for that matter, excepting the above, when asked a question, he either fidgets or looks back blankly, as if he did not understand the question. If and when he does speak, it is in a tiny, tiny voice (unlike his real voice when playing with other kids or conversing with the help). I do not know if it is shyness, or whatever is causing him to react or act that way. Any ideas on how to encourage him to speak up? I love my nephew and would indulge him more, but for some reason, this behavior is strange to me (I have six other nephews who don't act that way at all.) and is bothering me. I am wondering if it's a symptom of something deeper and what can be done? I have a month left on my four month stay in this house."

It sounds like the child is anxious in the presence of unfamiliar adults and perhaps finds speaking in these situations unpleasant. In such situations, we attempt a gradual approach that provides for a enjoyable experience for the child and accomplishes an important goal: socialization! To start, be the one who delivers fun activities with the child. Provide snacks, play activities, etc., without requiring that he interact with you for extended periods of time. However, if he does speak with you, quickly praise him for doing so. Then, after establishing a rapport with him, perhaps ask him brief questions. If he responds in a fairly "normal" tone of voice, reward him for doing so, and then go back to engaging in fun activities. If he responds in his "tiny" voice, merely return to the activities at hand. If successful, gradually increase the number of questions you ask, until you are approaching a reasonable conversation.

Another technique is called "fading." In this, you might watch from a distance as the child interacts with his father or grandmother. Then, gradually "fade" yourself into the conversation, and provide rewards to him as you do. If he starts to withdraw, stop the fading process and try again later; Perhaps go a little more slowly next time. Make sure you provide some rewards to the child at various times during the day, and then especially during the fading process. If successful, you may then gradually remove the rewards until the child is interacting with you for the enjoyment that he receives in doing so.

Eb Blakely, Ph.D., B.C.B.A.

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