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Expert Q&A
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| By Susan Bartell Licensed Psychologist | ||
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How can I help my son with his emotional eating? He's a perfectionist, and he is very hard on himself. He is 11 and firmly rooted in this behavior where he heads for the fridge the minute he is feeling a strong emotion. I try to keep most junk out of the house, but he can even stuff himself with grapes if the situation is right. More often than not, I am able to strong arm him into not eating unless he's hungry, but I don't want to have to bully him into that. I want him to be able to do it on his own. How can I help him get there?
First, congratulate yourself for realizing that this is what your son is doing! Many people don't connect feelings with eating – in themselves or in others. Your next job is to help your son realize that this is what he is doing – he probably has no idea. First, help him make a list of all the times that he 'eats his feelings': anxious about a test; angry he had an argument; excited he won a game. Be as detailed as possible for his life, including as many personal situations as you can. Next, together make another list of alternative activities/actions/ideas to do instead of eating when he is feeling a strong emotion. This list may be more difficult, and he may resist doing it because he likes to eat! But persevere – even if you have to work on it a few times. Some ideas that work for boys are:
- listening to music
- taking a walk
- shooting hoops
- calling a friend
- building a model/Lego
You and he will come up with ideas that work in his life. But TV is typically not a good choice, because all the food ads reinforce the urge to eat. The most difficult part will, of course, be implementing this plan. He will need your help and support. In addition, it will be important to examine whether you (or another adult in the home) engage in similar emotional eating. Often kids eat emotionally because they've observed and learned it. If this is the case, perhaps he can have some company in this new plan – having a partner will definitely make it easier for him to pursue!
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