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Expert Q&A
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| By Chris Crutcher Author, Licensed Child and Family Therapist | ||
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My 10-year-old son has just started fifth grade. I had no idea things would be this tough this early! He is having a hard time adjusting to class changes and peer pressure. He's been doing a lot of crying, which is very unusual. What can I do to get him through this time?
Best thing you can do is listen to him and let him know you understand. When you see him crying, saying something like, "This must be awful for you" goes a long way. It lets him know you are seeing exactly what he's going through. Don't tell him not to feel bad and don't tell him it's not really that bad. Don't tell him it will get better, because if it doesn't right away, you've lost credibility.
Once you've let him vent it ALL, then start the problem solving. "What can we do to make this better? What can we try?" Get creative. Be willing to try anything you think won't hurt him. Listen to his ideas first, and throw yours in, in conjunction with his. The good thing is you know you can get on his side this way.
If your kid hurts, then you both have a problem, because you don't like it when he hurts and it's in both your interests to find a solution. And ANY time you can throw in a sense of humor, do it. It's one of the most powerful things you can use, and it's one of the most powerful things you can give a kid."
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