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Expert Q&A
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| By Jenny Lewis, M.D. Pediatrician | ||
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My son started middle school this year and has started to get mouthy even with teachers. He is not taking school seriously but rather like social time. What is the appropriate discipline for him when I get these calls from his teachers?
Middle school kids are not known for their ability to be sensitive to the feelings/reactions of others. They often alienate even their own friends by being insensitive and arrogant. So it is not surprising they often get into trouble with their behavior towards teachers and parents.
At this age, kids are very opinionated and sometimes this comes across as being "mouthy". It is important to help your kid understand that you value his opinions -- even if different from yours -- but expect him to express himself in a respectful way. As a parent, you are his role model so your behavior towards him and the "significant others" in your life is likely to be copied. In other words, your example counts!
Help him understand that in all aspects of personal relationships with parents, teachers and peers, consideration for others is essential and rudeness only serves to make him unpopular with all concerned. If he is being "mouthy" to impress his peers, remind him that getting on the wrong side of his teachers may get him some transient kudos with his friends but will make his classroom time less and less rewarding.
As far as punishments are concerned, if he continues to get into trouble with his teachers I would advise conferencing with them to find out more about the school situations that elicit this behavior, and all working together to try to avoid an escalation of problems rather than depending on punishments once problems have occurred. Clearly setting out your expectations for his behavior and the consequences for ignoring your wishes is a good starting point"
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