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There are several things you can do to make this easier for you and your daughter. I understand that you may feel awkward even approaching this subject, and it is OK to let her know that this is a difficult topic for you and share some reasons why. I hope that the following suggestions will help you take a new look at your own cycles as well and find a way to gradually become more comfortable with them.

Since you have already approached the topic of reproduction, you will not be overwhelmed, as many parents are, by trying to address both of these sensitive and complex topics in the same conversation.

While it is natural to let your daughter know that her period is a signal that her body is able to reproduce, her main concerns will be about what will happen, how she will feel and what she will need to do to take care of herself. Be sure you review this with her several times and go over possible scenarios: what to do if it happens at school, the fact that it may start slowly or rather suddenly, and be sure she knows that it will happen more than once!

Prepare her with a selection of pads ahead of time, and help her understand how to use and dispose of them. My Body, My Self for Girls by Lynda and Area Madaras, a mother-daughter team, discusses many such scenarios in an informative and friendly way. Enlist the help of a couple of women you trust to converse with her from their perspective as well.

One of the most healing things you can do for yourself and your daughter will be to review your own coming of age with compassion for the lack of support or safety that you experienced and give yourself the gifts you did not receive from others. This is something we can do for ourselves as adults, and it can be surprisingly effective in addressing some of the pain we have carried.

For example, create in your imagination the experience you wish you had. Try writing a story or card for yourself or giving yourself a special gift the next time you get your period. These ideas are described in more detail in my Women's Activity Sheet, a companion to my booklet on coming of age. It is available at The Women's Way Program Web site.

Your daughter will also appreciate support for the emotional changes she is experiencing, and you could explain that her thoughts and emotions are developing a new depth and power of their own. The Seven Sacred Rites of Menarche by Kristi Meisenbach Boylan does an excellent job of explaining this complex process and the mood swings a girl may experience in terms that she can understand. (The book is written for parents but will aid you in talking to your daughter.) Honoring her periods and emotions as part of her creative power can help her see them as more than a mere inconvenience and will help maintain her self-esteem as she matures.

Encouraging your daughter to watch the moon and keep a record of its phases can show her how her own cycles are reflected in nature. While our culture pays little attention to the cycles of nature, our bodies are very attuned to them and are comforted by being around the rhythms of the natural world. (Paying attention to the moon can even help to regulate erratic menstrual periods.)

Taking this association with the moon one step further, I find that watching the moon go through its phases is a very comforting reminder of how natural it is for me to have ebbs and flows in my own energy. I think that we are called back to ourselves each month – sort of a check-in time – and that the pre-menstrual and menstrual symptoms we experience are actually signs of imbalance. In other words, each month we receive signals from our bodies and emotions telling us where we may be ignoring our own needs. When a girl or woman learns to "listen" to her cycle in this way, she can learn to appreciate it rather than thinking of it as a nuisance.

Let your daughter know that you are working with her to ensure that she has a better experience than you did. All of your efforts, even small ones, are going to help you both to create better traditions and experience this passage as a special time.