728x90
my iParenting
From Our Sponsors
e-newsletters
Sign up to receive our free weekly e-newsletters

new terms of use
new privacy policy
award-winning products
The iParenting Media Awards program helps parents find the best products for their families.

Expert Q & A

Top : General : My 12-year-old spends too much time instant messaging. Should I be concerned?

Preteenagers Today's Health Advisory Panel Answers:
My 12-year-old spends too much time instant messaging. Should I be concerned?
By Chris Crutcher
Author
Licensed Child and Family Therapist
 		Chris Crutcher

Question:


My 12-year-old spends what I feel is far too much time instant messaging his friends after school and in the evenings. We have several computers in the house, and I can't follow him like a shadow to make sure he doesn't log on. An IM is like a phone call; I have no idea what is being "said." Should I be concerned? Parental controls on AOL are not effective, because you don't need to get to the Internet via AOL to instant message, and screen names and passwords can be changed in an instant.

Answer:


I don't know that you want to know what he's saying to his IM crowd any more than you'd want to pick up the phone and listen in on his conversations. I would only worry about the content if I saw behavior that indicated there was trouble. The business of amount of time on the computer is a different question. I would try to come to an agreement with him about what is reasonable, and get an agreement, even if it's a reluctant agreement about a limit. There may be occasions where you want to be more lenient, or times of the week, but it's like anything else done to excess. There are so many variables that I would pay attention to whether or not "essentials" are being affected.

Have a question for one of our experts?
Ask it at the Q & A desk!