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Expert Q & A

Top : General : How do I best help my 11-year-old son grieve?

Preteenagers Today's Health Advisory Panel Answers:
How do I best help my 11-year-old son grieve?
By Chris Crutcher
Author
Licensed Child and Family Therapist
 		Chris Crutcher

Question:


I have a son who is just about to turn 11 years old. Seven days ago, my middle son, who was 23, died in a car accident. Please, can you give me some advice on how to best help my 11-year-old grieve appropriately?

Answer:


First, let me say I know it must be heart crushing to you to have gone through that. Understand that the grief process for your 11-year-old is much the same as it is for you, given developmental differences. You have to allow yourself to feel the way you feel and respond appropriately, though most of the time probably not in front of your son. But allow him to respond appropriately also – to cry and feel bad and feel angry and be confused. Don't tell him any of that is wrong, and don't try to curtail it until he is through. And understand that sometimes he will seem OK and sometimes he might fold. Let him lead and you respond with support – no judgment.

Again, I know this is an awful thing for you. I have often said I've learned my best therapy technique from flight attendants. They always tell me if the oxygen masks come down, make sure I take care of mine before I take care of anyone else's who needs help. Make sure you take care of yourself here.

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