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Expert Q & A

Top : Appearance and Body Image : My 9-year-old is jealous of her siblings, especially her 12-year-old sister, who has body image issues. What can we do?

Preteenagers Today's Health Advisory Panel Answers:
My 9-year-old is jealous of her siblings, especially her 12-year-old sister, who has body image issues. What can we do?
By Chris Crutcher
Author
Licensed Child and Family Therapist
 		Chris Crutcher

Question:


I have an almost 12-year-old daughter, a 9-year-old daughter and a younger son. There is so much jealousy with the 9-year-old – more over her sister than her brother – that some days it's crazy. We love them all the same. The oldest girl is tall and overweight for her age. The middle girl is normal size, and the youngest, our son, is the same. Does this have anything to do with it? We try to make the older one feel better about herself as she gets picked on a lot and has no self-esteem. We find we have to try so hard to make things so even it is nuts.

Answer:


This is tough because there's no way to make things "even." They aren't. The trick is to treat everyone the same and not try to make the younger ones "sensitive to" the older one's struggles. You make policy that no one puts anyone else down and hold the line across the board.

I'd be surprised if the body design issue isn't the source of a lot of the problems, but you only reinforce and highlight it by trying to make things "even." Every chance you get (which means when you are invited), you help the older one work out her issues – but not around the other two and not in relation to the other two.

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