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Expert Q & A

Top : Independence : My 11-year-old son is panicked at bedtime. The only thing that helps is if we stay in the room. Do we continue staying with him until he outgrows this problem?

Preteenagers Today's Health Advisory Panel Answers:
My 11-year-old son is panicked at bedtime. The only thing that helps is if we stay in the room. Do we continue staying with him until he outgrows this problem?
By Chris Crutcher
Author
Licensed Child and Family Therapist
 		Chris Crutcher

Question:


My 11-year-old son has become panicked at bedtime. He is deathly afraid of being left in his room to go to sleep at night. The only thing that helps is if my husband or I are in the room with him as he is going to sleep. If we aren't, he cries and is so scared. He is embarrassed of his feelings, and we're not sure what to do. Do we continue staying with him until he outgrows this problem? We have tried to walk him through the steps of clearing his mind of all stress before he goes to bed. His response is that he is not stressed, just plain afraid.

Answer:


Finally, an easy one. Let him do whatever he needs to do to not be afraid. If you need to stay with him, do it. He will outgrow it. It's developmental. Eleven is an approximate age for beginning to understand mortality, as in, death. You can try all kinds of things, but time is the one that will work. Don't show disappointment; don't try to hurry it; just be there. The more you make it "no big thing" the faster it will go away and you'll reduce the peripheral trauma that goes with feeling embarrassed and weak.

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