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Expert Q & A

Top : General : How do I help my daughter feel better about who she is without making her feel like I'm prying into her life?

Preteenagers Today's Health Advisory Panel Answers:
How do I help my daughter feel better about who she is without making her feel like I'm prying into her life?
By Chris Crutcher
Author
Licensed Child and Family Therapist
 		Chris Crutcher

Question:


My daughter is 12 years old, and I'm afraid she has self-esteem issues. She doesn't confide much in me about anything personally deep in her life, but I observe enough to gather a bit about how self-conscious she is. How do I help her feel better about who she is without making her feel like I'm prying into her life?

Answer:


One way is to not pry into her life, but keep the door open for her to come to you at anytime. Don't use all the popular rhetoric to make her feel better or go out of your way to praise things that don't necessarily deserve praise, but DO praise what does deserve it.

If she's like most 12-year-olds she is having trouble with self-esteem. Part of that is developmental. Kids get into a state of "disequilibrium" as they move into adolescence, and sometimes we just have to be there to catch them when they fall. I often tell parents of adolescents to be ready 98 percent of the time, and expect them about 5 percent of the time. But when they come to you, you'll be ready.

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