"Will Dad read the Christmas story on Christmas Eve again this year?"
"I don’t have to do chores on my birthday, right?"
"Are we going to watch the fireworks on the 4th of July?"

A hidden agenda lurks behind my children’s questions: Are we going to keep our traditions?

Family traditions can prove to be a vital part of the preteen years. "In today’s mobile society, kids need some reliability in their lives," says Dr. Floyd Covey, a practicing psychologist in Memphis, Tenn. "Traditions -- whether during the holidays or throughout the year -- serve as anchors that remind kids they can depend on something. Parents need to take the initiative in upholding family traditions -- even the seemingly insignificant such as McDonald’s on Friday nights mean more than preteens let on."

Traditions are Meaningful
Children mark time by the big events that take place in their lives, says Valerie Adams, a Memphis mother of six who teaches seminars on traditions. Adams says three phases need to occur in order to help preteens identify traditions: anticipation, participation and reflection.

"Anticipation gets preteens excited about the upcoming tradition," she says. "Kids love to talk about what big event is next. Participation is essential for remembering the tradition."

She encourages parents to continue including all family members in traditions year after year. It's a lesson she learned from experience. "We do banners every year, and with six different schedules in the house, I often find it impossible to find a time convenient for everyone," Adams says. "One year I decided that I would do the banners with my younger kids, whom I home school, while the older ones were at school. I was not prepared for the objections of my 15-year-old, Daniel, when he came home and saw that we were doing the banners [without him]. I thought he had outgrown tradition, but now I think maybe he never will!"

Reflection, the final step, is when kids begin to anticipate the next event, she says.

Traditions as Teaching Tools
Traditions give children the ability to take moral values and translate them into concrete actions, says Rabbi Peter Light of Beth Shalom Synagogue in Memphis, Tenn., who shares how Jewish traditions have affected his daughter. "Our Sabbath begins on Friday night at sundown, and each Friday our children place money on a Tzdakah Box. The money is then given to people who have less than we do," he says. "I saw the outgrowth of this tradition in my daughter at just 4 years old, when she decorated a basket and filled it with some of her own clothes and toys to give to those less fortunate."

Light’s daughter carried this tradition into her preteen years. "Sometimes she requested her friends to bring books and gifts for children in hospitals like Lebonheur and St. Jude instead of bringing a birthday gift for her," Light says.

Another tradition of the Jewish faith is for parents to bless their children each Sabbath. "This makes them feel loved and cared for, and they in turn can care for others," Light says.

Traditions as Memorials
Holiday traditions often invite a time of reflection. For Debbie Montgomery, a disk jockey at Memphis country music station KIX 106, Christmas for her family is always a time for remembering. "My brother is deceased," she says. "Christmas is a time for us to share stories about him. We laugh and cry, and bonding is a natural result. It is not only good for my kids to remember our heritage, but also it is good for me, too."

Montgomery adds that music -- contemporary and traditional -- is also a big part of her family’s holiday tradition, and the main focus is on the birth of Christ.

Sandy Rout of Shelby County, Tenn. says familiar traditions of childhood are just as important now as when her children -- ages 37, 25 and 26 -- were preteenagers. One tradition she kept was to encourage her children to bring friends home during the holidays.

"I think looking forward to this tradition year after year gave our children, as well as their friends, a sense of belonging," Rout says. "It was important to them to know there was a plan and a place to go."

Rout continues to see an outgrowth of this tradition in her adult children, who still bring home a guest or two each holiday.

Passing the Torch
Although preteens often act disinterested, they are absorbing those things that will carry them through to adulthood. "My middle child was strictly a jock, but it is now he who is carrying on traditions in his home," Rout says. "For instance, I have given him a fire truck each Christmas since he was born -- whether it was one to play with when he was very small, or an ornament or throw for his room as he got older. I was so pleased to learn recently that he has started a tradition in his own family of giving his wife a carousel horse each Christmas."

My son Tiger summarizes the deep roots of tradition in our home: "Things just wouldn’t seem right if we didn’t do the things we always do," he says.

A good recipe for passing down traditions includes:

Fun: This is a must. Kids will bail if fun is not part of the ritual.

Frequency: Repetition is what makes a tradition a tradition.

Flexibility: Allow the tradition to grow with your child. When your son becomes too cool for the bedtime hug, give a "high-five" instead.

Simplicity: Keep at least a few traditions so simple they can be done on a shoestring. Banishing chores on birthdays, for instance, doesn’t cost a cent.

So, if you find yourself inspired with a new idea for your family as the year draws to a close, go ahead and do it. You just might start a tradition.